There cannot be greatness without courage and failure.
There is finally silence in my heart. I hear the voices clearly in my mind. After a long time, I am not worrying, in fact I am excited. I am not weepy, instead I am rejuvenated. The prospect of college finally excites me. For the first time, in a very long time, I feel at peace. My body isn’t quivering, my mind isn’t shaking, my mind, my soul is free. I can think. I can finally think.
It’s weird how much I listen to the world and how little I listen to myself. It’s a miserable, heart wrenching, soul crushing feeling to do something you hate. But to find the courage to do something you love is rare. And what’s even rarer is the fact that my parents pushed me to do what I love. They have always let me take my own decisions, and even today, they don’t tell me what to do. But thank fully, finally, they stepped in. They still didn’t tell me what to do, but they did tell me what not to do – to not mess up my present, my future and my happiness for something I may never even want.
I feel relieved. My heart isn’t anxiously fluttering. I think, for the first time since I was 17, I feel at peace. I don’t feel a maddening, driving rush of misery, instead I’m excited, passionate, bold and even happy with the thought of my future.
What I will end up doing, I don’t know and now I don’t even want to. I just want to enjoy the last year of my undergraduate career, I want to take classes I love, write the stories I love, be the person I was lacking and do whatever my heart desires. I want to, finally, be my own person, do my own thing, not worry about the world, not worry about everything, not worry about nothing. I will, listen to my dad and follow my heart. I know it’ll take me to greatness. I refuse to be mediocre, because I’m not. After so many years of failure, and so many years of getting back up again, failure doesn’t scare me and now I even have the courage.
So who is to say, I won’t be the best? Who is to say my heart won’t lead me to success? Who is to say, I can’t achieve my dream? No-one.
Finally even my heart believes.
P.s: Thanks Dad & Mom <3