Work. Work. WORK

I have 2 exams, one paper, one quiz and 2 homework assignments dues next week. Technically I had spring break to do them. But I didn’t work. I just chilled. Literally. I was feeling cold in 70 degree weather in Cali. *Sigh*

So now with merely 3 days left to college starting again, I, as any good college student decided to write a poem instead of work. But that backfired. My poem sucked. Well if you still wanna read it here goes:

JUST KIDDING.

I won’t torture you with my poem. Anyway I need to write a research paper in the form of a Trends article. I’m planning on writing one on Alternative Medicine. I have an exam and hw in Organic Chem and Genetics. I have a quiz in Evolution.

It’s not terrible to be honest. But it seems kind of daunting. The good thing though is that it’s absolutely beautiful in Cali! It’s so warm and bright and the sun actually exists. I love it here. I should find a job here after graduation.

Anyway, what do you all do when you have way too much to do but don’t want to?

Work. Work. WORK

Homeopathy – Science says it doesn’t work

Recently I was reading articles for my class- Writing in Biology. It’s basically a class where we learn to write like biologists or I think that’s what the class is about.

So in that class I read an article, a Trends article, about Homeopathy or ‘Pseudoscience’ as the author put it. I thought it was an interesting article and then I went about my day. Turns out life had different plans for me.

The same evening I read a similar article twice on facebook! SO then I had to share it will all of you! I mean, it had to be a sign from a higher power, right?

The principle of homeopathy medicine is simple: the medicine is diluted by some factor and the belief is that diluting the medicine will make it more effective. This medicine is then given to patients in the hope that they will be treated. It’s like putting extra milk in you coffee or water in your tea to make it stronger in flavor.

I decided to write a little blurb about it because I know a few people who believe in homeopathy and spend thousands of rupees on it. I don’t know how many more people out there believe in homeopathy and if they do, they ought to know a little more about  it.

Here is a link to the article. Let me know how you felt and also tell your loved one’s if they believe and use homeopathy!

http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/homeopathy-ineffective-study-concludes

Homeopathy – Science says it doesn’t work

To love a past

Another poem by fatima that really caught my eye. I usually do not re-post, but well every once in a while I can’t help myself..

Have you ever let your heart wander to a place where it hurts,

where your fears, protected and coveted,

haunt you in the open.

Where your every dream of sex and lust,

is challenged?

I wandered today

My heart did, my mind did,

my unsure heart

is stringing now,

tugging even

uncertain.

it’s a comparison it makes

to the past it had no control over.

have you ever sighed in resignation

to be the present

for someone living in the past?

     – fatima

To love a past

My Child and Yours In The Crowds we Share

I sit in the corner,

By choice for no voice,

I love the room,

The walls, the warmth,

The bodies,

The heat,

Yet I sit in the corner.

Amidst these scenes,

I speak maybe once or maybe twice,

But all in all,

I still feel lost.

A little happy,

And maybe a little of a cheat,

Playing on their emotions,

Tending to their needs,

Being a part of the soul,

They sought to hide.

Behind every smile I seek reason,

Behind every glance I find justification,

And yet,

It’s so alone.

For each of them know of me,

Yet each of them I have known,

For years,

In these two days.

They go about,

Being themselves,

Or so they say,

Live their lives the way they said,

Or ‘feel’ they said,

But beneath that façade hides a child;

Devoid of love and maybe a kiss,

The child they protect,

And I seek,

They hide from my eyes,

They see me, see them, in reality,

Naked and one,

The way they came,

Not the way they want to go.

But to me,

They do nothing,

They stare and maybe glare,

But all they get is a smile or a snare..

My child they forget,

Is a part of who I am,

It smiles and shines,

Through the blues,

It giggles at theirs,

Leaving them lost,

Even more than they were before,

They bare their hearts,

They look for love,

They cry inside,

For they see me laugh,

Not to mock,

But to remind them to smile..

So in the crowd,

I chose to sit,

In the corner,

Not by compulsion,

But by mere habit,

For I sit and stare and maybe even glare,

At the little child that,

Hides away..

Quote

What would it be like not to think or feel

I often wonder what it would be like to not think. To wake up everyday like it were a new day, a blank page and if possible the only page. that each day would be complete in itself and that each moment would be new, unhindered, unique, unquestioned. I often think to myself what it would be like to not care, to not feel, to not breathe, to not worry, to not.

Maybe it’d be like a gust of wind on a sunny day. Maybe it’ll be like another broken promise, maybe it’ll be like closing your eyes, maybe it’ be nothing at all. It’s the ‘maybe’ that I want clarified. I want to see and feel all that there is to feel. I want to experience all that makes the heart not wonder, not want, not hope, not worry.

Sometimes I think that maybe that’s too much for ask for. Sometimes I think it’s an experience I never truly want to feel, for if I love it, then whats left in life? If i feel pure emptiness, is that pure bliss too? Is feeling nothing, no worry, no love, no hate, no contempt, no emotions, no anger, better than feeling everything at once or better than feeling anything at all?

Then sometimes i think that maybe it is better than anything and everything. Maybe it’ll be amazing. Maybe it’ll be liberating. Maybe it’ll be exhilarating.

But when will I know? I often wonder, if I’ll ever know..

What would it be like not to think or feel

#Over-thinking Problems

I have always (okay, mostly) been a very cool individual. I try to be a supportive friend, loving best friend, annoying sister and awesome daughter. Many times I’m good, however, every once in a while, I slip up. I become too good a friend, or too concerned a best friend. I’ve noticed that I go out of my way to try to make life comfortable for others but in doing so I often make it a little uncomfortable for them and myself.

I have often caught myself over thinking very minute details of my relationships. If some one is sick, I’ll do what I can to make them better, but then I’ll ponder about it for hours afterwords. If someone is upset, I’ll be there for them nights at end and later wonder if it was the right thing to do. I seem to be constantly caught between wanting to help and giving people space and in that conflict I find myself constantly thinking, re thinking, judging, ruminating, and then obsessing over simple things I did or said.

Should I have not asked him how he is. Should I have let her be. Could they need that medicine. Should I stop by after food? Was it too much pressure on him? Should I have not said that?

My mind is constantly in a spin of instructions. Not once is there any calm. It’s either berating or complementing or confused or anxious. Some times it’s all over the place and many times it’s worried.

I don’t know what to do. How to fix it, how to just silence it. To just feel okay and not intrusive or demanding or pressuring or even just anything. To be able to, even if it is only for a while, not think too much. To let it go and not worry about it. To say something and let life do it’s part after that.

I guess I’m learning to. Very slowly, but at least I’m learning. Maybe someday things will change and I’ll be where I want to be. Where my mind is actually calm and relaxed. When I say what i want, but in the moderation that I am yearning for.Definitely one day.. (maybe some day)

#Over-thinking Problems

The Wanderer

Lost in the solitude of my room
I looked up at the concave blue
The darkened earth hid the contours of life
And far across the green hues,
A wanderer seemed lost amidst the moon.

Royal blue shone the night
And black, the wanderer’s demeanor right
For, in the ocean of the stars
He shone the brightest, and yet he seemed the farthest
His hollow heart, torn apart
But his life he knew was finally not far.

The lonely figure walked up to me
Lost in a gaze he could not foretell
The burning rage, was all that he felt
The saddened ways were his to dwell
Almost at once, he had a fall
But, he fell with pride
While I just watched.
He prayed to the lord with new found faith,
I was sure:
His visit now fell into place.

The ruined walls and just – me
I refuse to go, or let go.
I heard the knock
That echoed throughout
But no one heard the wood or breath
For the conscious lay still but, proud
All that was left in the crowd was me and him
I waited for answers, whilst he searched for an opportunity.

He came to me
I looked away.
The wanderer then shook with a cold wave
I saw the silver gleam in his hand
Awaited my fate, cursed my destiny

Eternity ticked the moment’s clock
Until the mirror reflected a hued cloth
My gleaming shadow, had ruined us all
And I was left to face it all

The wandered came with burdens of a past,
Left with bricks that were the other’s masts.

The Wanderer

Valentine’s day and it’s Anxiety

You know when we were kids and our biggest anxiety factor was about missing our favorite cartoon Network show? or what color we’d wear the next day?

Well I miss those days now. Especially around Valentine’s day. Irrespective of being with someone or being single Valentine’s day has quite the effect of making me uneasy and unsure. It’s l almost like I’m getting mocked by some random day of the year.

What’s funnier to me is that even though theoretically I can choose to ignore the day and it’s presence, yet I do not. Facebook, tumblr, college, classes, cafes are all gentle reminders of a day which even though is meant to celebrate love, often ends up commodifying ‘love’ and heightening partner expectations.

Not that I should care but as aforementioned, I do. I often wonder if life was easier in a time when love was shown in small everyday gestures. But who am I to judge love? Anyway, I think Valentine’s Day is quite stressful.

Valentine’s day and it’s Anxiety

In The Shadows

Today I came across a blog that had just one poem so far. The poet, Fatima informed me that the blog was brand new and that she intended to update regularly. It aims to highlight her struggle with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Here is her first written experience with and about ADHD. You can visit her blog here.

“I am living in the shadows of fear

the shadows of judgement, of identity

of hatred.

i am hiding from my shadow,

i am fighting a demon

i am living in a cage. i am living

i am surviving in a room when the world

lies just outside”

                                                                                                               – fatima

Disclaimer: Reblogged with permission from My ADHD And Beyond

In The Shadows

#Morethanbeautiful

It’s one of those days

You know,

Just another day in the month,

Year and even a lifetime

It’s one of those days when

‘Pretty hair’ nor ‘beautiful’ nor ‘gorgeous’

can make it okay,

It’s one of those days when it’s just not enough..

But wait.

It’s been those days since the first day I knew myself

It’s one of those days, I live everyday,

It’s one of those days that my face is again

Everything I am

#Morethanbeautiful