Following my Heart.. Finally at peace


There cannot be greatness without courage and failure.

There is finally silence in my heart. I hear the voices clearly in my mind. After a long time, I am not worrying, in fact I am excited. I am not weepy, instead I am rejuvenated. The prospect of college finally excites me. For the first time, in a very long time, I feel at peace.  My body isn’t quivering, my mind isn’t shaking, my mind, my soul is free. I can think. I can finally think.

It’s weird how much I listen to the world and how little I listen to myself. It’s a miserable, heart wrenching, soul crushing feeling to do something you hate. But to find the courage to do something you love is rare. And what’s even rarer is the fact that my parents pushed me to do what I love. They have always let me take my own decisions, and even today, they don’t tell me what to do. But thank fully, finally, they stepped in. They still didn’t tell me what to do, but they did tell me what not to do – to not mess up my present, my future and my happiness for something I may never even want.

I feel relieved. My heart isn’t anxiously fluttering. I think, for the first time since I was 17, I feel at peace. I don’t feel a maddening, driving rush of misery, instead I’m excited, passionate, bold and even happy with the thought of my future.

What I will end up doing, I don’t know and now I don’t even want to. I just want to enjoy the last year of my undergraduate career, I want to take classes I love, write the stories I love, be the person I was lacking and do whatever my heart desires. I want to, finally, be my own person, do my own thing, not worry about the world, not worry about everything, not worry about nothing. I will, listen to my dad and follow my heart. I know it’ll take me to greatness. I refuse to be mediocre, because I’m not. After so many years of failure, and so many years of getting back up again, failure doesn’t scare me and now I even have the courage.

So who is to say, I won’t be the best? Who is to say my heart won’t lead me to success? Who is to say, I can’t achieve my dream? No-one.

Finally even my heart believes.

P.s: Thanks Dad & Mom <3

Following my Heart.. Finally at peace

Namaste – Assalam Walaekum – Ni hao- Brb I am changing the World

Changing the world
Changing the world

If you could wake up tomorrow and be fluent in any language you don’t currently speak, which would it be? Why? What’s the first thing you do with your new linguistic skills

I love writing and I intend to change the world by doing so. Of course, that is an ambitious goal and seemingly impossible task, but then again, nothing is impossible. Or so I believe.

I currently write solely in English. Even though English isn’t ‘technically’ my first language, I still speak it better than Hindi. So I write in English and what I write is only read by those who actually read English. That’s such a limiting audience! I’m already learning Spanish, so that I can be fluent in it. The process started about a year ago and is still to be completed. So if I woke up with new linguistic skills, I want it to be French.

I then promptly want to enter a French Cafe, order French coffee (if there is such a thing) and then sit in the corner of the cafe learning Spanish. Why? Well what better way to change the world than an English speaking India, learning Spanish and drinking French coffee?!

Sitting there in that quaint cafe, slowly mouthing my Spanish words, I’d compel every passerby to look again and wonder what I’m doing. Then I’d slowly become a part of their distant, slightly off memory till the day my books take off. Then, when they’ll be translated into French and Spanish and Portugese, most native speakers won’t think too much of it. Some would read the book and like it or dislike it or some would just never read the book. But one day one random person, one of the people who saw me in the cafe years back and found my Spanish sub par, will find my book, probably online for free. She’d read it not knowing who wrote the book.

She won’t think much of it yet out of curiosity she’ll look for me online. And that’s when she sees me. On wikipedia, on my website, in the news and maybe in a commercial for women’s rights. I am where she wants to be. Yet I was where she was. Same cafe, similar situations, similar lives. And now it’s no more the same. She’ll wonder what makes me special. Why I am where she wasn’t to be and she isn’t. In a furry, she’ll start looking around on google or on the DYNAMITE app (which would have taken off in a big way and will be on itunes) and then she’ll stumble upon my blog. Hidden somewhere in this vast ever expanding virtual world. She’ll go through it in a fury. She’ll mock me for my grammar and then my spelling.

She’ll realize I’m nothing special. In fact, I’m a lot like her. Clumsy, insecure, happy, afraid, bold, funny, witty. She’ll smile or maybe just gaze into nothing. That’s when she’ll turn off chrome and open word grudgingly for it’s been so long she doesn’t even remember the title of the story she was writing.

Her story slowly and eventually will have just a few days left for completion. She publishes it. It sells. Slowly but surely. She’s reaching where she wanted to be. Her world will forever be changed and in turn maybe, she might just change someone else’s world nd that too, when she wasn’t even trying to.

Namaste – Assalam Walaekum – Ni hao- Brb I am changing the World

Mentor, mentor where are thee?


Have you ever had a mentor? What was the greatest lesson you learned from him or her?

I’ve never had a mentor. I’ve had support, advice, information and have been taught. I have however never had someone show me the way. But more often than not, I’ve had fictional mentors. Authors have fortunately or unfortunately been my sole mentors so far. So as far as career goes, I’m figuring it out with advice and support, but as far as life goes, I rely on Paulo Coelho.

My brother often joked that I was reading The Alchemist looking for answers. I just laughed. He wasn’t wrong. Of course, I could simply be over thinking or interpreting the words in a way that suited me or maybe, just maybe I did and still do -find answers in books.

Mentor, mentor where are thee?

When I was 14..


When I was 14, I was in 8th or 9th grade. I had braces, a bob and a fringe. Quite ugly.

I was also very creative and imaginative and opinionated. I’m pretty sure I still liked pink. Yes. Definitely liked pink. Too bad people dislike pink. I don’t know if I’d discovered my love of South Indian food, particularly food from Kerala. No matter what anyone says, that is the best kind of food. I loved dresses, I know that. I still do.  I wonder how similar I was.

I know I thought differently, but I guess that’s growing up for you. At that time, I hadn’t even thought of coming to the US to study. I think I was still into Nickelback (yeah, yeah) and ‘Numb’ by LP. I was in Shillong for sure.That was a really pretty place. I wonder if I ever wanted to live in a giant underwater tube at that age. Or domesticate a cheetah. Maybe.

Ooh. Did I still write? I know I made jewelry and friendship bracelets. I would spend so much time and energy in my bracelets. I actually remember making my own design once!

Well I guess when I was 14, my hobbies weren’t very different but I was definitely a different person.

When I was 14..

Spring has sprung with Jambu!

It’s finally spring and what better way to walk into spring than with Jambu Footwear’s spring Collection? After months of waiting and bitter cold, I’m thrilled to tell you, ‘You can walk out in sneakers or sandals!” Soooo here is my  favorite: Jambu Footwear !

Be it sandals or sneakers, prints or plains, Jambu footwear has them all! The best part? There is a vegan option! Now, seriously who has that?

To get you started, here are *some* of my favorites: (scroll all the way!)

Hudson – Jambu Footwear
Bangle Jambu Footwear
Tidal – Jumbu Footwear

There are of course so many more options and colors and types! I usually love the printed and plains. Actually, I think I love the stripes and patterned. Oh boy! It’s hard to pick my favorites with such amazing varieties!

Of course everyone has a different styles and different choice but Jumbu footwear has them all! There is a wide range of shoes and sandals and something for everybody!

From sneakers to wedges, Jambu Footwear has a casual,comfortable outdoor feel. The shoes are gorgeous to look at but even better to wear! They have the perfect mix of comfort and style. Jambu footwear, unlike a lot of brands have medium and wide options for almost all of their styles. And, if it can get any better, Jambu Footwear will plant a tree for every purchase in the month of April!  

Well? What are you waiting for? Go visit Jambu!

Here’s a little inspiration:



What do you see? What do you feel?
What do you see? What do you feel?

Look.Look. Deeply.

I’ve seen you look a million times,

yet every time, you’ve never really seen.

You’ve never really felt. You’ve never experienced.

You’ve seen life, you’ve felt lust.

You are a product of a vision- maybe

yet you barely, if ever, see

Look again, deeper.

What did you see?

How much did you see?

Look again. See again. Feel again.

This time, maybe, you’ll feel.



#MyChoice – A Review

I’m an Indian, Muslim girl who studies in the United States. I’ve the seen the best and worst of both cultures and sadly the worst often has no boundary. Our languages, our mannerisms, our preferences are different, but ultimately we’re all human. It’s like we’re bound by an invisible string, where men and women are inherently the same. Both societies have often told me how to live my life, what to wear, what not to wear, what sex means, what sex doesn’t mean, what my body should be like, what I should be like.

It took me three years to begin to set my mind free. And I couldn’t do it alone. It took me three years to realize that as an individual my choices are mine alone. That my body is mine alone, that my decisions are mine alone. It took a while for me to understand that sex, whether I have sex or not, isn’t dirty. It’s a control mechanism. It took me a while to realize that what I wear is my prerogative and no one else’s.

Our minds have been so caged by our parents, society, culture and tradition that many times we never escape the cage. I’m still just beginning to break down the cage.

MyChoice encourages you to break the cage. It’s a bold move and a strong one at that to. But are we ready for it?  Can we, as a society be willing to listen to a woman talk about sex? Are we as a society willing to be okay with women taking charge? Are we, as individuals ready to embrace this shift in dynamics where women call the shots? Are we, as individuals willing to listen to a woman?

IS one video going to do the trick when, for hundreds of years we’ve been told how to live? No. It isn’t. People will find it absurd, disgusting, fake. Many will equate empowerment to sex. But it’s not. It’s about setting yourself free from a mental cage. It’s about thinking for yourself. #MyChoice is about actually having your own voice.

This video is about reminding women that we have a choice. Unlike men, who by the virtue of having a penis, already have a choice.

This video is just a slow, probably soon forgotten start. But, I guess, it’s something.

#MyChoice – A Review

What is Love (Unedited)

Among it all i see a heart
Among it all i see a heart

A cotton candy maze stands in the middle of New York. Yes. It stands tall and proud and of course, strong. It is just the right shade of pink on the outside and has walls made of cotton candy meshes. It’s sort of see through, yet a lot is hidden from plain sight. The maze has a great smell; it’s sweet but it’s not too sweet. The maze is huge yet very welcoming. Not everyone goes in but everyone passes by. There are vendors giving out free samples of baby pink cotton candy. Every bite melts in the mouth, the texture, the flavor, the smell is just right, so soft, so sugary, so fluffy, so warm, so blissful but then in an instant it disappears.

Those who do go in are instantly caught in the strands of the ever present, ever sticky, cotton candy. At first, it’s amazing. The floor is just the right amount of hard and squishy. Every step leaves a dark purple pink stain on the ground but the stain is slowly erased. The path that has been walked on is blocked off till the cotton candy floor is fixed. This path is then opened up when it’s as good as new, or almost as good as new.

The smell, sweet and cottony, tickles the skin and pleases the senses. There are many paths, of course, and where these paths go, I cannot tell you (for I do not know), but every path is unique. There is a rumor among the maze dwellers that no one has ever been on all the paths of the maze.  Each path is rumored to lead to a central spot in the maze where treasures await- all the cotton candy you can eat, but no one knows for sure. Some say nothing lies in the center while some are adamant that the center is what the maze is all about. Dwellers blissfully argue while the spectators collect cotton candy strands.

They cannot walk through walls. The mesh is too strong. They can peep and compare but cannot leave their path unless another path intersects. Often paths intersect.

You can enter and leave as you wish. There are no restrictions, no tickets, no sign ups, but when you enter – or leave- you get stained. The thin strands of cotton candy constantly attach your skin and clothes. The smell refuses to leave, your soles are pink and purple and walking out you leave behind a little bit of cotton candy with every step you take.

One day, a girl actually managed to get to the center.

Sometimes it’s all about those little tasters, not a bucket full of cotton candy. She looked around in amazement at the rows and rows of light, fluffy, pink, blue green, yellow, silver, gold cotton candy. All of them smelling delicious and their sweet, sweet fragrance pulled at her senses and they wrapped her in a cozy blanket of wonderfulness. She stayed there forever. Or she wanted to. Her mother had told her that a good thing comes once and remains forever.  Slowly the fragrance turned sickly sweet. The cotton candy stuck to her as second skin. Her shoes were smothered in cotton candy. She was desperate to leave. But her grandmother’s words echoed in her mind, ‘never give up’. She stayed a little longer till she could bear it no more. She finally ran. Back into the maze to the way out, which was surprisingly easy. She left the maze, disappointed and upset. But a few days later, there she was navigating the maze yet again. Only this time, the tasters, those sweet, small almost-enough doses of cotton candy were filled her heart perfectly.

Love is like a cotton candy maze. In our generation, love has become an expression of convinces. We love the way it is easiest for us to love.

What is Love (Unedited)

Work. Work. WORK

I have 2 exams, one paper, one quiz and 2 homework assignments dues next week. Technically I had spring break to do them. But I didn’t work. I just chilled. Literally. I was feeling cold in 70 degree weather in Cali. *Sigh*

So now with merely 3 days left to college starting again, I, as any good college student decided to write a poem instead of work. But that backfired. My poem sucked. Well if you still wanna read it here goes:


I won’t torture you with my poem. Anyway I need to write a research paper in the form of a Trends article. I’m planning on writing one on Alternative Medicine. I have an exam and hw in Organic Chem and Genetics. I have a quiz in Evolution.

It’s not terrible to be honest. But it seems kind of daunting. The good thing though is that it’s absolutely beautiful in Cali! It’s so warm and bright and the sun actually exists. I love it here. I should find a job here after graduation.

Anyway, what do you all do when you have way too much to do but don’t want to?

Work. Work. WORK

Homeopathy – Science says it doesn’t work

Recently I was reading articles for my class- Writing in Biology. It’s basically a class where we learn to write like biologists or I think that’s what the class is about.

So in that class I read an article, a Trends article, about Homeopathy or ‘Pseudoscience’ as the author put it. I thought it was an interesting article and then I went about my day. Turns out life had different plans for me.

The same evening I read a similar article twice on facebook! SO then I had to share it will all of you! I mean, it had to be a sign from a higher power, right?

The principle of homeopathy medicine is simple: the medicine is diluted by some factor and the belief is that diluting the medicine will make it more effective. This medicine is then given to patients in the hope that they will be treated. It’s like putting extra milk in you coffee or water in your tea to make it stronger in flavor.

I decided to write a little blurb about it because I know a few people who believe in homeopathy and spend thousands of rupees on it. I don’t know how many more people out there believe in homeopathy and if they do, they ought to know a little more about  it.

Here is a link to the article. Let me know how you felt and also tell your loved one’s if they believe and use homeopathy!

Homeopathy – Science says it doesn’t work